My plate seems smaller than his or at least infinitely tettering on the pedestal I have placed it on. I find myself back to that place, that worrying place, where life becomes somewhat uncertain. But we've been here before (why does it always come back to food).
We've been in Sydney for over one year. We spent six months or more of our time in Orlando, planning - desperate - to get here, to get away, to open up time and space and eliminate their expectations of us. to breathe. We made it here. Sigh. We spent time here. We spent a lot of time together. The "time lovers get to spend together" bar as been drastically raised and I fear few other times in our lives will live up to this, especially in terms of physical hang out time. I relaxed. I drank. I read. I learned more the power of choice and exercised the freedom to do "whatever I feel like" on endless occassions. It felt great to be a grown-up and order take out and drink more than one bottle of wine a day if we wanted. It felt really good to be HERE and to not be saving so much for the future. Most-important-of-all...we traveled! finally!!! this is the most anticipated part of our change and it was miraculous. We saw parts of the world that we knew, without seeing them, some piece of our inner puzzles would remain missing (i.e. Australia, New Zealand and INDONESIA!) We learned the absolute beauty of a lazy morning followed by a glorious outdoor cafe breakfast and a walk by the beach.
I prioritized. I learned a heck of a great deal about balance and expectations. I found the few and precious things that I want to focus my time/attention on (especially the following, but never limited to): My love, our future family, our relatives, food/health/nutriton, yoga, reading/writing, travel. Last but not least: beauty, knowledge, and pleasure seeking at all times. Oh and inner peace is squeezed somewhere in between.
Where do we go from here? We are geographically challenged and ususally happily so. He's destined to find an amazing job and I'm desperate to be accepted to a dietetics program, where within the restrictions of formal education I can submerge myself into the study of what I love - FOOD and get some useful information to hopefully form a career out of instructing others of their best eating habits. Is it possible for all stars to align and for us to achieve these two great goals, while not lowering our lover hang out time bar or losing sight of the ocean or our lazy Sundays? Can we possibly have any good fortune left?
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